Token of Love

It's been a week I left my silver burial yard desolated. For the last couple of days, I was kind of not in the mood and have no feeling to blog. I'm kinda person that go with my feelings. When I have no mood or no feeling, things that I'm doing wouldn't have worked out. I even have the same token for love. As for me, feeling is important in love.

To be frank, my feelings for him was less and that makes me perplexed. I've never had this sort of perplexity before for my exes. I asked myself if i really love him but i couldn't have the answer for it. Things have got a little confused when i was so reluctant to reply and tell him those three words everytime he said those words to me.

I remember there was a time he called me after work and i had just got back home after work as well.

"Dear, i miss you all day...i really miss you so much...do you miss me?" he asked in anticipation for my answer. I knew what he was thinking and anticipating that answer "YES".

I then replied without any hesitation telling him, "No..."
OMG..what the hell was i saying? I was really bad to say that word NO without hesitating for a second!

I was then continued with chuckle, "Babe, I did miss you one second before you call me...and now we are talking so there is no need to miss you already haha..."

I wanted to slap myself for being such a badass. Why couldn't i just tell him what he wanted to hear? Why was it so hard to tell a lie that means a candy to him? Why i just couldn't tell him i miss him too to make him happy? I was really an idiot dork!

In fact, I know myself well. I am a straight-forward kind of guy and i just couldn't disguise myself to say something that my heart's not in it. I know I've brought him down several times and sometimes my words really torn him apart. Babe I'm really sorry...

I went to my babe's house last week and I was really happy to be with him. He treated me so well and I felt like I've been spilled and tainted with all his loves and cares. I love the way he feels me, hugs me and loves me. I enjoyed every little romance he gave me and filled me. I've seen more than i used to know about him during those times in his house. He did everything he could to make me happy and told me that seeing I'm happy means a lot to him. He always puts me first than himself. This is what i could hardly treat him in the same way as i love myself more. But now, I'm gonna share the love i have for myself to him more LOL.

I remember vividly that he told me, "Dear, if being with me makes you unhappy and stressed then i would rather hurt myself by letting you go. I want you to be happy." I was really touched and my eyes were brimmed in tears. His sheer love for me is strong and unconditional. I misunderstood him that he doesn't really love me but now i'm the one to be blamed. I told myself since then, I want myself seeing him more and don't wanna let myself be blinded again. I wanna try my very best to love and cherish this man.

Hao po Yannic was right. He told me to cherish this man as it's really hard to find one who loves you much and loyal to you. Hao po Yannic is my good net friend whom i can strip all my disguise and share with him my personal things. It's kinda peculiar that he's just like my person whom i can trust though we haven't met each other LOL!

Babe if you have the chance to see this I want you to know that I'm blessed to have you with me and how good it would have felt to be cared and loved by you. I hope it is not too late to mend the past that I've put you through. I know that blissfulness and happiness do not come easily. Babe I really appreciate what you have done and still do. You give me the love that I couldn't afford to lose. I started to dream about the future with you. I love you...

Never thought that he's the one who could have been now. I guess, the feeling might be important but love can surpass everything. I've got my courage back to love. I always tell myself, i want to love my lover with my whole heart so that i have no regrets even if we break up one day. And more, I don't wanna be regret for him to walk away one day.

Deep inside my heart, I truly know that everything fades away. I'm not being pessimistic. Instead, I'm being positive to cherish people i love everyday and if things come in kinder way or perfect way then it would be a bonus for me. I want to love him more before it's too late. I don't want a broken heart as if i don't want him to be broken-hearted. Some people wish to be loved rather than to love. To be loved or to love? Sometimes it is not about to choose. Love takes place in the mutual way as if love is about the coexistence of each other.

Valentine's day is around the corner. I'm glad my babe has already planned for it. A simple romance would actually please me. No need to buy me any valentine's gift but if babe you insist then i won't decline also la LOL. Being together with you has already been the best romance and invaluable Valentine's gift for me.

Happy Valentine's day to all of u guys in advance. Best wishes to all gay couples in the world and for those who are still single, love yourself first and may you find one in near future LOL! ^_*

Nite to my babe..nite to the world. Sleep tight. Dawn will be soon arrived and tomorrow will be a better day. ^_^

*Kill the lights*